“I want you to learn to juggle together, to jump rope together, to play jacks, do puzzles, play board games, and generally get back to being playmates,” I said to one of the couples who seldom smiled.
“Do you mean go to Toys ß Us and get games? We don’t have to. Our kids have enough to open their own store. Toys ß Them,” said the wife.
“No. I want you to get your own toys. These toys are for you. Keep them in your private place. I know you play with the kids, but now I want you to play with each other.” They looked at me, smiling-
At the next visit, they brought three beanbags and demonstrated their juggling skills. They laughed as they repeatedly missed the bags. “I love this,” said the husband. “I can’t remember playing, and certainly not with her. I play tennis and golf, but this is all different. We’re playing like kids, really playing, not just having recreation.”
The couple experienced this opportunity as different because it is based on the concept of “neoteny,” Ashley Montagu’s term for the return to some of the characteristics of childhood. It is a way to laugh, play, and salvage lost opportunities from the health of youthfulness. Perhaps we age because we don’t play as we get older.
I ask couples to keep a large family puzzle going at all times. Have it on a table in plain view. Put it together slowly. Everyone should work on it. You will be surprised how stress-reducing this can be, unless someone gets trapped into trying to beat everyone else by finishing it alone. The rule is that no one can put in a piece without someone else from the family present.
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