Arousal can heighten with further stimulation, until the natural resolution of sexual arousal, which is an orgasm, also known as a ‘climax’ or ‘coming’. It is maximal sexual response, and in both men and women is associated with a feeling of intense physical enjoyment and satisfaction. In men it is usually accompanied by ejaculation (the involuntary squirting of semen out of the penis). Women do not ejaculate, although vigorous muscle contractions of the vagina may make the vaginal fluids appear to ‘squirt’. In both men and women there are often involuntary muscle spasms.
Orgasms usually last a few seconds. Straight after an orgasm a man’s penis is extremely sensitive, and starts to become floppy again. During this time (called the ‘refractory phase’ by the white coats), he will not respond to stimulation by becoming aroused sexually. That ability returns in a short while.
Women, however, have no refractory period, and their ability to have an orgasm, and then have further arousal and even another orgasm soon after has fed the legend of the ‘multiple orgasm’. Many women are quite satisfied with one, and have no desire to orgasm endlessly. Some women like having more than one. Unfortunately it has led to some women worrying that if they only have one, they are not ‘normal’. Not true. A lot of women don’t have them at all. One of the functions of an orgasm (apart from ejaculation, feeling incredibly nice, and exercise), is that it acts to clear the increased blood flow from the pelvis. All the changes start to revert back to normal after an orgasm. If you have a fair degree of arousal, and no orgasm, it can lead to pelvic congestion. This is said to be responsible for the ache in the testes (‘lovers’ balls’) men suffer. It is also thought to contribute to pelvic pain in women.
Frequently, men have orgasms with direct stimulation of the penis, rubbing it in a cleverly designed, lubricated vagina, for example. Women are much less likely to have orgasms by stimulating the inside of the vagina. Unfortunately, the walls of the vagina are not all that sensitive. Contrary to popular belief there is no ‘G spot’ which, like a magical elevator button, lifts you to previously unattained heights. (Editors of women’s magazines will probably consider this heresy, but the researchers have looked for it, and can’t find it.) The fact that we can wear tampons without constantly being aware of their presence is a clue to the fact that the vagina is a bit of a sensory desert.
But all is not lost. The manufacturers have redeemed themselves with the inclusion of the clitoris. The clitoris is a highly sensitive thing, analogous to the penis, but smaller, and we don’t wee out of it. Stimulating the clitoris is much more likely to result in a woman having an orgasm. The clitoris can be stimulated directly, and is also wiggled around and rubbed in vaginal intercourse to a varying extent. There was some interesting rubbish in the early days of sex research—by Sigmund Freud, actually—which suggested that there were two kinds of orgasm: clitoral (an ‘immature’ type), and vaginal (a ‘mature’ orgasm).
Now we realize that there is one type of orgasm, regardless of the stimulation. The typical garden variety penile-vaginal intercourse is not the most efficient way of stimulating the clitoris, which explains why many women find they do not have orgasms with that kind of sex, but have no trouble when masturbating, or having oral sex, when the clitoris is more likely to be closer to the action. This does not mean there is anything wrong with the woman, and can usually be quite easily remedied.
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